The topic of communication with the ex is considered the most pressing issue for every woman. It is not uncommon for social networks to discuss whether it is worth communicating with an ex-boyfriend. Many people come to only one conclusion: out of sight, out of heart! But is it right?
If you do not take into account the extremes, when the former was quite wrong, then why so sharply? Why such an aversion? Okay, at the peak of the breakup, you can say the least. Nerves on the edge, anger, hatred, irritation, all over the edge.
But then, when emotions go down, don’t you see your ex just a guy, just a man again, not without flaws, of course, but quite wow. Don’t you remember how you laughed, soaking to the thread under the summer rain, walking barefoot in the puddles, warm after a hot day? Don’t you remember how cozy it was to watch a stupid winter night with one blanket? And how he called all his friends and relatives when you lost your phone and he was worried, you remember?
Is it really that what turned out after a month, six months, five years, that you did not agree on the characters, that there are irreconcilable contradictions between you – all this can erase the summer rain from your life, a cozy plaid and tea with lemon? Why betray these precious moments? Because it was happiness… Personal experience.
When I broke up with my first ex-boyfriend, we fought, we talked a lot, we fought hard again. “I fell out of love, it’s definitely over,” I thought. As time passed, I calmed down and suddenly realized that the end of love isn’t the end of a relationship. My ex-boyfriend didn’t get worse because I fell out of love with him. He’s still the same cool guy, sociable, funny, kind. “Why am I cutting off such a big, cute piece of my life?” – I thought.
What Clinical Psychologist Jill Weber, author of Five Steps to Self-respect: How to Start Feeling Good, says is that I’m sure that communicating with my ex is hindering the recovery process. She believes that in order to open up a new life and confidently plan the future, it is necessary to fully accept the fact that the relationship has ended. By recognizing the breakup, the person is relieved, his life becomes calmer. I can’t argue with that statement. However, when the breakup occurred, when a new life began – why not take in the old and close friends?
Communicating with an ex-boyfriend is a way to fill in the pause My friend thinks I’m fooling myself. She says that over the years I’ve rethought the reasons I left my ex, and now they don’t seem so important anymore. Since he’s really not a bad guy, I started thinking about why I shouldn’t get in touch with him. In response to what I said about just being friends, my friend smiles sarcastically. Maybe she’s right. I’m not in a relationship right now, so I’m trying to fill my ex with a pause in my personal life?!
One article suggests that people like me turn to their heart and ask if it’s ready to bear the pain again, because if the breakup happened once, it could happen again … No, the heart is not ready. But the breakup can happen in any relationship – with the former, with the future… So what, no one to date at all? No, it’s not.
Is it possible to have a relationship with an ex?
University of California professor Nancy Calish has started an interesting experiment: she studied more than 500 couples who first broke up, and a few years later restored the romantic relationship. The result of the study was the conclusion that happy re-relationships with exes are very possible! Around 70% of newly reunited couples have built a new, happy union. The research has been going on for about 20 years, so these reunions can already be called strong. And what do you think of ex-boyfriends? Share your opinion in comments.