A few years ago, I discovered the difference between a chef and an ordinary chef. I used to be sure that the chef is the one who plays dishes according to proven recipes better than other chefs. The error that many sin, and not only in the context of cooking.
It turns out that polishing to a shine already known and worked out, it is impossible to break through the thin ceiling that separates the “cook” from the “chef”. Do not become a chef, following the recipes of others; they can only become their own.
But the problem is different: if for those who have long polished everything that they could polish, this idea will help to inspire a real creator from a good artist, then for others it can become a ticket to chaos. And this applies to all contexts of our lives. After all, “Chef” is not a self-sufficient phenomenon, but a prefix meaning seniority. It is logical that it is impossible to become the same chef without being a cook, as it is impossible to flaunt the rules without first studying them.
- What Are the secrets of happiness?
- Correct pauses – the law of maintaining interest in a relationship
- The meaning of what we say or do to a person always in his reaction to it
- The roles we play determine our relationship
- What is your favorite role in a relationship?
- Is the most important purpose in life to find happiness?
What Are the secrets of happiness?
With a happy relationship, everything works the same way: it is not meticulous adherence to the said rules that makes the couple happy, but the creation of their own unique ones on their basis. And no matter how “eccentric” this recipe may seem, if it works for the happiness of both, it is good. After all, the happy are not judged.
To become a master in anything, you must first learn the basics. And not only to assimilate – you need to live through their frame, lean on them, then boldly push off from them and create your own work of art instead of a stain of disappointment.
This article will give you this opportunity. She briefly talks about the 3 pillars of a happy relationship, which are globally covered and worked out in the video training of Alunika “ Seven Secrets for Happiness in Personal Life ” along with the other four.
Well, let’s go.
Correct pauses – the law of maintaining interest in a relationship
Trust, complete immersion in each other and unity with a partner is a cool and important thing, and there can be no relationship without it. To achieve it, we adapt to each other in gestures, in words, in rhythm and outlook on life, in domestic and sexual matters. So we create a kind of cozy emotional-physical lodge, in which we want to return.
Someone does this consciously, someone intuitively, but the result is always the same: a state of harmony and one “I” for two.
It is at this moment of perfectly tuned resonance that it is especially easy to lose a sense of proportion and forget that shortcomings have always been and will continue . Comfort, for example, transforms into convenience, while convenience continues in a quagmire, which, as we know, sucks and poisons. In her, the severity of feelings decreases, and the value of the partner falls, no matter how beautiful he may be.
How often do we value, say, our hand? She is a continuation of us, and to admire being with us constantly requires concentration and mental effort. Instead of trying to consider the merits of a person by burying his nose in him, it is much more useful to move away from him at least as far as steps and look around.
In a practical sense, “rebuilding” means:
- to go somewhere without a man and not be in constant contact with him (business trip, vacation);
- “Get over it”, communicate less and interact less;
- sleep for some time in different rooms;
- stop hugging or kissing him for a while;
- not cook him food, and so on.
You need to turn off the tap to feed the usual pleasures and move a prominent distance. If rapport with a partner is really established, there is nothing to fear – detuning will only enrich and strengthen your relationship. If rapport was present only in your imagination, then at least detuning will open your eyes to this.
As Love says: “When we rebuild, we give a man the opportunity to fall in love with us again. But only a woman who loves and respects herself first of all is capable of this. If you don’t leave the man, afraid that he will immediately forget about you, then he most likely doesn’t even remember you. ”
With the help of detuning, you can also push a man to the long-awaited exit to a new level of relationship.
The meaning of what we say or do to a person always in his reaction to it
There are hundreds of ways to convey a single thought, and only a few of them will lead us to the desired result. The problem is that people themselves are not always aware of which, in fact,
goblin they expect results in response to their words or actions.
Of course, behind each of our actions and words there is always some kind of positive (for oneself) intention. But no matter what we intend to do there, it will not work if 1) this intention is not realized and 2) the method of implementation was chosen out of place.
Example. A woman from time to time calls her partner a loser. In this way, she can pursue different goals: motivate, point out mistakes, humiliate him, in order to increase her significance in his eyes. But already several attempts will be enough to understand whether this “approach” works. Some men, in response to this, will start up and even begin to do something; someone will cause a scandal or even slam the door; others will withdraw into themselves, become depressed.
And here the only right decision for a woman (besides the decision to stop calling names) is to include sensitivity to this feedback, draw conclusions about the efficiency of the chosen method and, if “skiing does not go,” grope for another way to achieve the goal.
Not to do this is like giving a person a gift, guided by what the donor himself would like to receive, and then be offended when he learns that this gift has never been used.
If you have the flexibility to bring this approach to life, then you will expect stunning results. It is as if for the whole life punching a hole in another room with your head, and then suddenly discovering the door key – the real Eureka!
The roles we play determine our relationship
“What role a person near you will take, you determine. His role
In short, role rapport and simple logic affirm that we simply will not find ourselves in a relationship with a person whose vital and relational roles do not “dock” with ours at all. After all, everything is duality in the world: the narrator is useless without a listener, the reader does such a writer, and a tyrant does not exist without a victim. The same principle is also responsible for our love relationships.
“Our world is a mosaic of more than seven billion elements. And you, like a puzzle of this mosaic, attract another puzzle to yourself, which has bulges where you have bulges. If you have a need to suffer, you will certainly find someone who can satisfy this need; if you have a need to save, you will meet someone who will always be in problem situations and need your help; if you really want to inspire, you will always find a failed creator ”- quote from video training.
There are no right and wrong roles, there are those that either bring happiness to both or take it away. The question of change comes up sideways (if you’re lucky) when one or both of the “components” in it are unhappy. And here already have to do something. Starting, of course, with yourself.
What you need to understand is this: we will not receive from the partner what we have not previously requested by our behavior and words.
Is the most important purpose in life to find happiness?
The victim may stop “asking” for the tyrant’s humiliation with his behavior. An amateur (nice) to be disappointed in people and say “I thought so!” May stop luring those who bring sheer disappointment. A pathological commander may cede the right to vote to other people, which will cease to attract weak victims.
In this case, there are 2 options for the development of events:
- Transformation of the old system (relations) by adjusting to the new you
- The collapse of the old system and the construction of a new, more suitable for you
It is important to understand that changing our “shape” we stop fitting into the old picture and begin to “push” neighboring puzzles with our new bumps, create an empty gap, removing something. And whether the “neighboring puzzle” agrees to change its shape in order to supplement us with new ones and create a new picture with us depends on the strength of these relations.
For example, if a woman whose relationship with a man was 50% based on her imperious character and the soft suppleness of her partner, suddenly realizes that she is no longer satisfied with this game, then it is not at all a fact that the man will agree with this. Entering into this relationship, he accepted the old rules of the game, and he may not want new ones or simply not pull the new ones.
Therefore, when changing ourselves, we should always remember that at some point our old relationship may simply cease for us … to come. Like the clothes we grew out of. And then you just need to let them go, making room for a puzzle more suitable for you.
Of course, all this is just the tip of the iceberg. But it may be enough for those who are open to information and, more importantly, ready to apply it and see the results.